How To Woo A Woman According to Bollywood

To stand up against sexual harassment, we first need to know that harassment comes in many forms, including these sanctioned by Bollywood.

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#AskingForIt is an initiative by Breakthrough to mobilize communities and get every individual, both online and in the ‘real world’, to speak out and not treat sexual harassment as ‘normal’. The Women’s Web #AskingForIt blogathon asked  readers to share their experiences, suggestions and resources on the topic of street sexual harassment in India and countering it.

Bollywood mainstream cinema has been a vital force in all our lives and has been a great teacher. It has taught us how boys should behave, how girls should marry and other sanskaari stuff. For all matters of the heart, Bollywood has been a ready source of information for countless men and women.

So if you are looking for ways to woo your lady love, look no further. We have compiled a list of ways to win her heart which have been endorsed by all your favourite Bollywood heroes and actors.

#1 Chase her across college along with an army of your friends singing and dancing

Remember the movies in the 90’s like Dil where Amir Khan sang and danced around Madhuri Dixit? Well, he actually did more than just dance in the movie to ‘subjugate’ her, but let’s start with dance. Learn some cool moves and teach it to a butt load of your classmates. Then chase her across campus as you sing and dance to the beat while she tries to get away from you.

#2 Tease her mercilessly

Take some notes from the movie Haseena Maan Jayegi where Sanjay Dutt and Govinda tease their common lady love played by Karishma Kapoor endlessly while the brothers play toss over who should finally have her. Karishma’s character of course does not need to be asked who she loves. She did not have a voice in the movie but she had a great wardrobe.

#3 Invade her personal space

Who can forget the iconic movie DDLJ in a list of how to woo a girl. Remember the scene when Raj meets Simran and in the next fifteen minutes or so goes through her suitcase, handles her undergarments and unceremoniously falls into her lap. Well, girls love this stuff, apparently.

#4 Flirt with her best friend and then dump best friend

The best way to get the girl of your dreams is by flirting with her best friend because best friends are not important to the plot. They are almost always available for a movie or a dance and have lower standards on whom to date than the heroine. This has been tried and tested in countless movies, if it can work for Saif Ali Khan it can surely work for you.

#5 Save the damsel in distress only to hit on her later

This seems to be a great way to meet a woman. Look out for goons in your vicinity, wait for them to harass a girl, then save said girl. Once the girl is thus duly saved, go ahead hit on her, she is all yours. Brawn is better than charm any day.

 

#6 Pinch her inappropriately

You know this one already if you have watched Rowdy Rathore. Women seem to like strangers who touch them inappropriately and it seems to be the running joke in the movie. Who has time for a hello and how are you doing these days, so by all means go ahead and pinch her.

#7 Stalk her endlessly

If you are truly interested in a woman, by all means stalk her. Follow her around the whole day like a love lorn puppy. If your boss, principal or parents object, just show them the latest copy of any Indian movie.

#8 Go to her place of work and sing, dance, disrupt because let’s face it, who wants to work?

Now that you are jobless, go to her place of work and do what you have to do. You could choose dancing and singing in her office to express your love and chances are that her colleagues will wear matching clothes and groove to your music.

#9 Pelvic thrust around her as she tries to escape from you

This move is a classic; it has been used in Hindi as well as regional films. There is nothing that makes a girl fall in love with a man like a pelvic thrust. To practise this move download any Amitabh, Rishi Kapoor or Anil Kapoor movie – now find a neighbourhood park preferably with flowers and bushes and go bonkers.

Now that you have all these tips from Bollywood under your belt keep a look out for cops and a possible arrest warrant because all these wonderful tips are the basic definition of street harassment.

Stalking a woman, accosting her on the street or at her place of work, gestures such as pelvic thrusts and verbal harassment are all punishable offences and can also lead to some jail time. Bollywood probably did not get the memo.

This post was originally published here

Photo Credits to Razor Rasu. If you are wondering why there is an image of penguins? It is simply because in this regard they know better!

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