How To Woo A Woman According to Bollywood

To stand up against sexual harassment, we first need to know that harassment comes in many forms, including these sanctioned by Bollywood.


#AskingForIt is an initiative by Breakthrough to mobilize communities and get every individual, both online and in the ‘real world’, to speak out and not treat sexual harassment as ‘normal’. The Women’s Web #AskingForIt blogathon asked  readers to share their experiences, suggestions and resources on the topic of street sexual harassment in India and countering it.

Bollywood mainstream cinema has been a vital force in all our lives and has been a great teacher. It has taught us how boys should behave, how girls should marry and other sanskaari stuff. For all matters of the heart, Bollywood has been a ready source of information for countless men and women.

So if you are looking for ways to woo your lady love, look no further. We have compiled a list of ways to win her heart which have been endorsed by all your favourite Bollywood heroes and actors.

#1 Chase her across college along with an army of your friends singing and dancing

Remember the movies in the 90’s like Dil where Amir Khan sang and danced around Madhuri Dixit? Well, he actually did more than just dance in the movie to ‘subjugate’ her, but let’s start with dance. Learn some cool moves and teach it to a butt load of your classmates. Then chase her across campus as you sing and dance to the beat while she tries to get away from you.

#2 Tease her mercilessly

Take some notes from the movie Haseena Maan Jayegi where Sanjay Dutt and Govinda tease their common lady love played by Karishma Kapoor endlessly while the brothers play toss over who should finally have her. Karishma’s character of course does not need to be asked who she loves. She did not have a voice in the movie but she had a great wardrobe.

#3 Invade her personal space

Who can forget the iconic movie DDLJ in a list of how to woo a girl. Remember the scene when Raj meets Simran and in the next fifteen minutes or so goes through her suitcase, handles her undergarments and unceremoniously falls into her lap. Well, girls love this stuff, apparently.

#4 Flirt with her best friend and then dump best friend

The best way to get the girl of your dreams is by flirting with her best friend because best friends are not important to the plot. They are almost always available for a movie or a dance and have lower standards on whom to date than the heroine. This has been tried and tested in countless movies, if it can work for Saif Ali Khan it can surely work for you.

#5 Save the damsel in distress only to hit on her later

This seems to be a great way to meet a woman. Look out for goons in your vicinity, wait for them to harass a girl, then save said girl. Once the girl is thus duly saved, go ahead hit on her, she is all yours. Brawn is better than charm any day.


#6 Pinch her inappropriately

You know this one already if you have watched Rowdy Rathore. Women seem to like strangers who touch them inappropriately and it seems to be the running joke in the movie. Who has time for a hello and how are you doing these days, so by all means go ahead and pinch her.

#7 Stalk her endlessly

If you are truly interested in a woman, by all means stalk her. Follow her around the whole day like a love lorn puppy. If your boss, principal or parents object, just show them the latest copy of any Indian movie.

#8 Go to her place of work and sing, dance, disrupt because let’s face it, who wants to work?

Now that you are jobless, go to her place of work and do what you have to do. You could choose dancing and singing in her office to express your love and chances are that her colleagues will wear matching clothes and groove to your music.

#9 Pelvic thrust around her as she tries to escape from you

This move is a classic; it has been used in Hindi as well as regional films. There is nothing that makes a girl fall in love with a man like a pelvic thrust. To practise this move download any Amitabh, Rishi Kapoor or Anil Kapoor movie – now find a neighbourhood park preferably with flowers and bushes and go bonkers.

Now that you have all these tips from Bollywood under your belt keep a look out for cops and a possible arrest warrant because all these wonderful tips are the basic definition of street harassment.

Stalking a woman, accosting her on the street or at her place of work, gestures such as pelvic thrusts and verbal harassment are all punishable offences and can also lead to some jail time. Bollywood probably did not get the memo.

This post was originally published here

Photo Credits to Razor Rasu. If you are wondering why there is an image of penguins? It is simply because in this regard they know better!

What They Think About India

Being an Indian abroad might not be exotic but everyone knows about India unless someone was living under a rock. I have been fortunate in having the opportunity of understanding more about my country through the eyes of people from other countries during my travels. The good news is that most of the opinions of India, though at times in bits and pieces are pretty flattering. While India is grappling with the effects of globalization on its culture. Indian culture has long since been globalized. As India reaches out to the world, people elsewhere absorb and understand more of Indian culture.

Sometimes aspects of Indian culture are more popular than in India itself, it amazes me when an American girl has more understanding of yoga than I have. My understanding of yoga is unfortunately limited to shavasana (the pose where I can close my eyes and sleep). Bikram made yoga quite popular in the US but yoga has been known and practiced long before that in other countries. Every year people come to India specifically to learn yoga at month long retreats or ashrams. For some yoga is a way of life, like the lady I met in San Diego who had tea with me one morning at a beach side cafe. She followed a satvic way of life and had adopted an Indian name from her Guru. I also remember a conversation I had with a young girl in Conshohocken, Pennslyvania. We were walking together to the hotel we were staying at and she told me that she had selected Ayurveda as one of the subjects in her course and was writing a thesis about it.

Bollywood is a topic most people get excited about when I tell them my country of origin. Be it a Nigerian man confessing his love for Madhuri Dixit  while singing ‘Dhak dhak’ or an Indonesian boy extending his arms Bollywood style and exclaiming, “India,Shahrukh Khan!” What made it more interesting was that the Indonesian boy was at the time standing on a rock with me in the middle of the sea at Tanah Lot temple, Bali. In Switzerland an old Swiss man inquired if I was an Indian actress because of my not suitable for snow attire! All thanks to the countless Bollywood songs shot in Switzerland with the actor swathed in a jacket and the actress wearing not much other than a skirt or a dress. The love for Bollywood extends to Iran too. Once an Iranian friend told me that during the 80’s and 90’s, Indians were called ‘Vijay’ there because of the cult popularity of Amitabh Bachchan movies in Iran.

Indian sarees, bangles and bindi is another topic of conversation I have had with strangers in other countries. A man in Thailand came to the conclusion that my husband and I were not honeymooners from India as I wasn’t wearing red bangles that most newly married girls from Punjab and a few  northern states wear. I didn’t explain to him that I was from the south of India and  did not have that tradition. I also have had the bindi conversation a couple of times, once with an Australian lady who was herself wearing a bindi and once with a group of young boys in Washington D.C. I tried to explain the third eye concept of the bindi without really having much success because the concept is  a bit vague for me too.

I have had some very interesting conversations with people about Indian turmeric laced curries and food. Some liked Indian food, some not so much and some wondered how we could have curry everyday. Well most have the idea that curry is one dish and I still haven’t found a way to explain that Indians have different recipes and names of different dishes which are unanimously called curry by the West. But with more Indian restaurants and Indian food becoming popular, I believe there are many who can beat any Indian in a cook off ‘curry’ competition.

Religion is another aspect of India that fascinates many abroad, an American lady in L.A told me that she had a small Ganesha statue with a mouse behind his ear. Beef and cow worship is also a topic I have had many interesting discussions about.  A lot of people who come to India are taken aback by the cows we have on Indian roads. As an Indian I have become quite immunized by the sight of cows on Indian roads and markets. Sometimes acting as a road divider and sometimes sunbathing on a beach. In most American restaurants the waiter would make it a point to double check with me, if I ordered a cheese burger. I find this gesture sweet and respectful to Indian culture. I have many such conversations and anecdotes filed away and it has become the best part of all my travels.

This post is written for the More Indian Than You Think contest by Lufthansa